Memories of You

It was nice to know 

That someone was there 

Who understood 

And stayed with me

During the darkness

I wasn't alone

You endured this, too

Maybe I can get through this

As long as it's with you

You were a voice for millions
You spoke the words that they couldn't speak
You even had words left for me
We sat together
And weathered this despair
When the days came
That I swore I couldn't do this anymore
You shed the light
For me to see

But now you're gone

I can't wait for you anymore

I feel pretty empty

Aside from my memories of you 

Sitting beside me

And holding my hand

Whispering that we'll get through this

It isn't the end

The stormy days are upon me
Can I get through this
Like we used to
Except now I'm alone
With just my memories of you
They won't keep me warm
Clothed or fed
But maybe they'll be just enough
To save me in the end

I'll think of you and smile

Despite the tears on my cheeks 

Of how you would hold me

And brush away my fears

So rest now
Find peace
I pray that where you are now
Is better than the place you used to be
I'll keep you in my memories
It's enough
To last me until
We can meet again
My friend

Written by Zara P. September 29, 2017 

Irrational

It feels like vomit

Surging in my stomach

Climbing up my throat

But it's not

It's just my friend

Anxiety

Oh no

I had an encounter

With unpleasant things

Time to hide

Panic

Run and cry

It itches

And scratches

At my skin and bones

The headache is coming

That's the way it goes

Why am I like this

How will this end

I reach for that glass

Beside my bed

Fill it with liquor

And just try to relax

I'm drowning in my fears again

Screaming won't help

Alleviate this pain

Only the amber liquid

Swimming through my veins

Stop this

Stop this

Stop this monster

That chokes me and holds me down

It takes my energy away

So I lie here and wait

For this episode to end

Why does this happen

What purpose does this have

My brain creates these irrational fears

That clearly I deserve

It feels like vomit

Spilling from my mouth

Why did I even bother

Leaving my house

Stop this

Leave me

I'll be fine

I guess

Written by Zara. P, September 8, 2017 

Does the tree make noise

If you scream

And no one hears you

Do you make any sound

Or are you silent

With only the trees to hear you

As they fall

In a sea of forest

With no one there

To hear them break

Against the boulders 

Written by Zara P. July 30, 2017 

Drowning

I'm drowning

Isn't that when

You just can't breathe

When you try to swim

Isn't it like

When you try so hard

To reach the surface

But it's just too far

I'm drowning

I just can't breathe

My insides are screaming inside of me

I can't take this

I just can't take this feeling

I'm drowning

My feet hit the sand

I can see the Sun above me

But the air is out of reach

Away from me

And so I drown

Alone in the deep

With only my thoughts

To keep me company

A few more seconds

Until I'll be saved

Just like what happened

Yesterday

And tomorrow will be the same

I'll be drowning

In my head again

With nothing but water above my head

Until you reach down

And grab my hand

To pull me up

Onto dry land

Until then

I'll be here

Under the waves

With no air

Written by Zara P. June 11, 2017 

Crazy Like Me

Is it so wrong

To be crazy

To see these things

And watch them leave

Fully knowing

That only I can see them 

But not truly

A part
Of reality 

Is it so wrong

To wake up 

And wish you hadn't

To brace yourself

For entering this world 

To despair the sunshine

And all of the living things

That live within it 

Is it so wrong

To feel terror

At all the little things

That 'normal' people 

Just don't get
Things they just don't see

Is it so wrong

To believe

That when I count

1, 2, 3

I'm saving your life

So you can get home 

From A to B

Is it so wrong

To check the doors

The windows

Every night

To keep you safe

From the evil

That breaks through our house

And destroys 

Everything

My daily plight 

Is it so wrong

To loath my hands being touched

If only to protect

Myself

From the diseases 

That linger

On everyone's fingers

Is it so wrong

To do these things

So that everyone can live

In peace

With me

Is it so wrong

To feel and see

The monsters of this world

So crystal clear

Is it so wrong

To feel as if

The world is pushing

Down on your chest

That you're drowning

And worthless

That no one cares

Is it so wrong

To struggle and fight

Against these temptations

To eat or not to eat

It feels so useless

It pushes and pulls

Takes and takes

Some minds just aren't 

Built the same

Some suffer

And cry

Needlessly, they say

But is it needless?

Can't it stay?

Is it so wrong

To be crazy

Like me

Written by Zara. P, Tuesday May 16, 2017 

Invisible

Invisible

I should smile

But I just can't

I know that this

Simply cannot last

And yet...

It stays

Forever in the end

I'm hollow

Empty

Jaded and broken

A relic of something

Lost and unspoken

Forever alone

In these endless nightmares

I try to keep it together

Although I know

That I will fail

And I will fall apart

Like a mirror

Smashed against the sidewalk

I will never reflect anything again

But you know that

Don't you

My friend

You see it in me

As you watch me day by day

How empty I am

A shell

A container

For a soul

That has no heart

Only a muscle that keeps beating

Somehow

I'm invisible

To the world

And to you

When I look in a mirror

I'm never there

So why not smash it

Let the glass shatter

On the hard concrete

Like tiny silver needles

Pricking your feet

Then you can walk on top

Of all the broken glass

It feels empty

Like a skeleton

All I can be

Is bones and flesh

Invisible

And yet... Tangible

Like the wind

Brushing aside wildflowers

Bending them

As I pass by

Never fully touching them

But just enough

To make their petals fall

The sunshine won't touch me anymore

No storm may harm me now

I simply

Exist

To be unseen

By all the tiny flowers

Around me

Even as they rejoice

They leave me behind

To dance together

In their field of sunshine

That I may never grasp

I can only watch

On the sidelines

Invisible

And yet tangible

As I cry

April 30, 2017 

Written by Zara Sky P. 

How Lucky Must I Be

How Lucky Must I Be 

She crawls along my body

Beautiful and graceful 

All curves and wonder

How lucky must I be

Her clothes have gone missing 

And her skin skims against mine

It feels like a rose petal

This is what Heaven must feel like 

I try to wrap my arms around her glorious frame

To try and caress her lovely flesh

But she is somehow out of my reach

And my hands miss her by just half an inch 

Still, I have a foolish grin on my face 

What more could I have ever asked of Fate? 

Isn't she lovely, as her nails sink into my skin

I still think I'm lucky

Is that a sin? 

Her mouth is on my neck now

Luscious, plump and sweet 

How can I be unworthy of such a treat?

I tell her I love her

Although, she does not reply

I tell her once more before I close my eyes

I'm filled with wonder

And lust

For this beautiful woman

That just won't stop 

Her teeth pierce my flesh now

I don't mind, it's fun

But then she starts tearing at it

And I realise what I've done   

I let this evil in

I relished in this ecstasy

I didn't heed the warnings

And this is the price I am to pay

Before the Sun rises

I lay dead on the floor

How lucky must I have been

Except, now I'm no more

I fell victim to her charms

I didn't notice her devilish ways

All I ever cared about

Was getting laid 

I watched as I left this world

She ate my body up

The she-devil even paused to clean up my blood 

Remember my friends

To listen when they say

"This bitch is a vampire, best to stay away" 

Written by Zara P. April 5, 2017

It Hurts

It feels like it's crawling

Up my chest

Into my head

Through my veins 

Squeezing my lungs

Until I suffocate 

It hurts

But I can't run anymore

Dare I try to hide?

Can I?

Should I? 

Or will this destroy me in the end

This parasite inside of my head

It eats away the best parts of me

Until I'm better off dead

It hurts

So I must still be here

But for how long

Before I'm dragged back into the muck

Inside of my head 

I live like a prisoner 

Chained to the feelings I must endure day after day

Destroying the truest parts of me

Leaving something hollow instead

It hurts 

Yet I remain

I continue on

Through this desolate place

Inside of my head

As it crawls through my chest

And into my veins

Burning my flesh

Consuming me 

All of me

It hurts

So my eyes fill with liquid shame

The kind of fear that everyone can see

And no one can help keep away

As it passes you begin to see

The person I become

The thing

That becomes

Whatever is left of me 

Can't breathe

This isn't right 

I'm hurting again 

From a panic no one can see

A dread no one else can touch

This feeling welling up inside

That finds its way out 

At random times

Am I to blame? 

It still hurts

Written by Zara P. March 28, 2017